I had taught myself  to adapt and accept with wht people talk about me or prepare for know something unpleasent to hear . so as I expected , something happen and alhamdulillah I had settled down with tht person .

 entah lah the aim for me blogging today is i just want to let all my sad , happy , ergghh i just cant intepret my felling well . isn't tht worst ?  but truly i just cant get and understand what i want . I feel im worst and i would never change even though I had tried many times to get rid from feel like tht . im truly speechless and cant described what i feel now . it mix it up by all kind of feeling tht combined to becoming one element tht cant describe . 

  i dont wht had Allah plan for me . for my future . okay dont look at something tht too far from life la . idk what had Allah plan for me for my life in this year . 2013 . I really afraid tht I will do a same mistakes when I was 12 . I just dont wont sadness accompanied w my result . but honestly idk wht to do .

I dont know wht to apply for fix my false and my technique for a proper study . Im afraid this will effect the way im studying for my next level which is gradually i make a same mistakes . failure is like a nightmare for me . and i still cant adapt myself to accept the failure . im really-2 shock with my latest result . my expectation was unexpected . I taught i can get a major improvement but I was wrong .. so far ?

mybe I had done something bad again and may not forgiven which  I had watch something bad and gradually watch it . I had imposed myself to Not let myself to watch it but again .. Im FAIL to avoid it .I hope i can get a chance to success . I just need tht . 

my friends from  boarding school had joined us for our holiday extra classes . at first I was like didnt mind about their existance but things changed when they  show up an attitude tht make me feel uncomfortable . myb they think tht they was likee really good and clever and so on . but .. truly they make me disappointed for let them join us . I admit it sound really cruel but tht's the fact . I admit im not such a clever and gifted person and if i wanna accomplish succeed I need to strive by my own and i need a guider to guide me . i had  strive but i havent see the outcomes . and i hope what had I done will eventually worth my efforts . I keep  my trust on Allah . even though it's hard to accept but as a servant it's a must to accept it .  priority towards Allah is utmost important . so I should keep on trust on Him .